Confidence and what that means in 2021 for ME
- Kween
- Feb 28, 2021
- 2 min read
Full transparency.....
The fact that I could only get through 2:44 of this brown skin girl appreciation video before I felt super uncomfortable, is a problem.😔 At 37 I have no idea how to begin to fix. 💔
Growing up in Philly, I have been the target of many analogies regarding my complexion, such as: Blackaveli, Tar Baby, Black Cockroach, 11:59(p.m.), etc. So to also "be able to bite a apple through a picket fence." was depressing. I hid behind music, sports, and then a U.S. Army uniform. Music has ALWAYS been my saving grace. Being raised in foster care and juvenile detention from age 5-16. From foster home to foster home and then to a juvenile facility, the one constant was music, more specifically Michael J. Jackson. I love to write, so my songwriting starting from poetry and kind of evolved to music. Now as a Mother, a Disabled Combat Veteran who has PTSD, Bipolar Disorder, and a Traumatic Brain Injury who became an Entrepreneur with a talent consulting company I have been faced with the decision of being my own focus musically, however the fear of having to be in front of the cameras is paralyzing to the point of depression. My confidence in my talent will seemingly vaporize at the taught of visually performing in mixed company. So I have been trying to be patient with myself by intentional, what I mean by that is that I started #operationselfesteem on IG where I would not permit myself to take a picture without smiling and try to take at least 3 a week. Although self-esteem has been a lifelong struggle so far, I am a very social person. Now with COVID, meeting people has to be done differently. Opening up myself to a world of critiques reminiscent of those in my childhood could be detrimental until something clicks. But here's the question, if I currently operate in a space that is not conforming to society in my everyday life, what am I tripping about? Maybe I will know by the end of 2021.
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